UPDATED 12/17/24

Birth Mama, you've got such a tough decision to make. And there are many families that would make a great choice for your precious little one. I thought I'd share a quick list of things that I believe make our family special.

(In case you want to jump to ahead: 1: Neither rich nor in need, 2: Stay at Home Parent, 3: Ready-Made Big Brother and Sister, 4: Healthy Lifestyle & Healthy Relationships, 5: Amazing Extended Family.) 

1: No silver spoons, but plenty of food! I'm so grateful for the "in between" status of our family. We have a lovely modest home, that's well kept and has just enough room and flexible living spaces. Until April 2020, we had 4 adults and 2 small kids living comfortably in our 3 bed / 2 bath house. Alex's full-time job provides exactly what we need for gas, groceries, school tuition, church giving, and martial arts classes for Silas. We have a little left over for extras each month, and a nice family vacation each year. But our finances are not so plentiful that we don't have to watch our spending. This circumstance helps us teach our children how to be conscious not only of our ample blessings, but of the need to use wisdom in deciding what to spend money on. While Nadia was living here, we were determined to help her obtain a small job when she turned 17, and we helped her learn how to save money so she could buy her first car. While Nadia's grandmother would have happily bought her one, it was very important to us that she buy it herself. Even if it was a clunker, the pride and care she would take in it would be far greater than if someone handed her a set of keys. After about 9 months, she succeeded in purchasing her very own 1996 Rodeo, and the pay-off was more than if she'd been given a brand new Mercedes without working for it. 

We love being able to treat our kids to special things and experiences. For Silas's 10th birthday, we took a weekend trip to Florida and enjoyed Sea World and Busch Gardens! While we strive to provide special things and experiences, it's also very important to us that they grow up learning how to value special things and not feel entitled to them; how to provide for themselves, and how to stand on their own feet. That kind of life isn't easy, but it is a rich life indeed!

2: A Stay-At-Home Parent. Thanks to the Lord's provision through Alex's job, I have the extraordinary privilege of being a stay-at-home mom. I am able to build my daily schedule around my children's needs, whether it's school, rest, exercise or special events. I do have my own small business, but its time requirements are minimal, and the work load is extremely flexible. I can usually complete all my work + housekeeping while Silas is in class at school and Lydia takes her afternoon nap. I can't wait to share my day with one more little one! Something inside me absolutely clicks when I'm juggling the needs of children. I love doing laundry while making grilled cheese sandwiches, in between cleaning the bathroom, and hoping online to answer customer questions. I strive to have dinner ready when Alex gets homes, leaving plenty of time for family game night, an after dinner walk, or playing Nintendo. 

3: Ready-Made Big Brother and Sister. Our 10 year old son Silas has been a great big brother to Lydia! He has enjoyed helping me with routine baby chores, such as feedings and reading at night. Lydia loves other kids, and I know that the new baby will be a real joy to her. Her sweet and patient nature is ideally suited to be a big sister. 

4: Health! Alex and I strive to provide healthy home in every way.

Food and Activity is one important way we try to stay healthy. We incorporate vegetables and nice lean proteins daily, and we each are careful to exercise several times a week. It's important to us that we keep our bodies in good order for the service of our children and others. On the weekends we like to splurge a little; Silas has definitely inherited my sweet tooth, and Lydia sure loves Christmas cookies!

Another area we strive for health is in relationships. Alex and I rarely fight. Having each grown up households where Mom vs. Dad fighting was the norm, we strive to be kind to one another and unified. This is not to say we don't have conflicts in our home. But we try to handle them with patience and understanding. We try to always model humility when one of us is wrong, and it's very common that Silas sees us apologize to one another or to him. This family value of being quick to own up to mistakes has helped Silas learn how to be forgiving, and how to ask for forgiveness. 

5: Our Extended Family: I wish there was a way I could explain how wonderful our extended family is. My Dad is amazingly loving and SO funny! Daddy has bonded especially well with Lydia, and I can't wait to share him with another child. My Daddy and I have a very special bond, having only one another's company for a couple of years after my mom passed away in 1996 and my sister went off to college. He took over as both parents and made sure I had the clothes I needed, school lunches every day, and somehow he managed to send me to private school despite his serious financial strains. Those years were special, but lonely for him. I am so grateful that he was blessed with his second wife Gail. Gail is the perfect grandmother. She's wise, compassionate, musically gifted, and loves her grandchildren almost as much as she loves my Dad. She handcrafts the most beautiful birthday cards for each of us every year, and she loves sharing her artistic gift with the kids. 

My sister Angela and her husband David have 3 kids very close to Silas's age. They live on a 10-acre homestead in a small rural town nearby, and we love spending time together walking in the woods and playing in their small pool. We enjoy cook outs, birthdays and holidays at their home. My sister is my best friend, my best adviser, and she's so excited for the  possibility of us adding one more to our clan. 

If you've made it to the bottom of this novel, thank you for hearing my reasons why I think our family is pretty special! We might be the perfect fit for your little one, or another family might be. No matter what choice you make, I hope you can find peace knowing that God's got this. He's got you and your little one in His Hands.

Alex and I love cooking. In our earlier years, it was all eating out. But, that gets ridiculously expensive. So for the last 8+ years (or, since we became responsible for feeding minors), we've been dedicated to creating our own favorites right here at home. Sometimes we copy our favorite dishes from restaurants, and other times we go with an online recipe that just looks good!

Alex loves to make homemade pizza, hibachi, and greek food (improved versions of some of our favorite dine-in dishes). Whenever Alex cooks, he invites our son Silas to come help. I love watching them together. Sure, it takes a bit longer to complete a meal with the help of an 8 year old, but Alex recognizes the value of investing quality time with Silas and helping him learn basic cooking skills. Silas is my helper when I do breakfasts and desserts. I love doing desserts; especially cakes! 

When I was a young teen, I started playing with Sculpey. It's a bake-able (though not edible) type of modeling clay and I'd create small figurines in a various spread of pre-20th Century dresses. I loved learning how to make my figures as realistic and detailed as possible. As I grew older, and had less time for dedicating hours to these little figures, my self-taught skill sat largely unused- until I started making cakes. My friends and family started requesting cakes for parties, and the longer I did it, the more fun and intricate they became. It started to become my new adult version of artistic expression, and a way to show my love to those dear to me. 

Some of our family's sweetest memories are made in the kitchen. I can't wait to cook up some more with a new little chef by our side.

This week was a big step for our family. We are officially live as potential parents on ParentFinder, and our agency is ready to show us to potential birth moms. If you're reading this, you're likely a birth mom yourself! Thank you for hearing my heart as we cross this bridge into potential adoptive parenthood. 

This has been a long journey. Not just the process of Home Studies, and writing, and trying to find just the right pictures to really capture the essence of our family. But the long road it took to bring us to Adoption. Alex and I experienced 4 years of infertility, followed by 7 years of secondary infertility after our son Silas was born.

While the pain of a barren womb is deep, I know it pales in comparisson to the suffering of many mothers; the pain of miscarriage, the agony of having a child who might not live, or the anguish you are facing- feeling the pain of separation, and wanting desperately to make just the right choice for your baby's future. 

We don't know each other, but we have something in common: we're both facing a time of uncertainty. Our family doesn't know when or if we'll be selected by a birth mom. You are facing the hardest task you may ever face between the pregnancy, the birth and your choice of parents, and the impact it might have on you and on your family.  In this time of uncertainty, I want to share with you something I do know for certain- a promise. 

I promise you this: God is good, and God is in control. He makes no mistakes. No matter what circumstances brought about your pregnancy, He knew before you took your first breath what your future would be. He knew your baby's future. And their babies futures. Nothing takes Him by surprise. This pregnancy was never truly unplanned- it was ordained from the beginning of time and I think that's amazing. God has purpose for everything that breathes, and everyone whose heart beats.

God had a purpose in my infertility. And I've seen the fruit of my barrenness- which sounds backwards. But because of my barrenness, Alex and I had the chance to raise our niece Nadia, a troubled 11 year old girl who desperately needed parents. While it didn't turn out exactly like I'd hoped, she avoided a lot of heartache while she was in our home. Before she came, the path she was on was the same as her two older sisters; this path led to abuse, hard drugs, and prison. Because of my barreness, we had extra room in our home and our hearts- and I truly believe God used my infertility to put her on a different path. Now that she's all grown up and on her own, I love her and pray for her from more of a distance. But even in the uncertainty of her future, God is Good and He is in control. 

Because of my infertility, we had room in our home for Nadia's infant sister Blossom, who was with us till she was nearly two. (See Bye Bye Blossom post for her story). And because of my infertility, my son will have the chance to love a sibling regardless of who they are, where they come from, or how different they may be from him. My hope is that our adopted child will give him the opportunity to experience a kind of love that not everyone is fortunate enough to experience - the kind of love God has for us, as His adopted children. 

One day, precious birth mama, you may look back on these difficult months and clearly see the good and beautiful things God did through it. God has a purpose for you, for this pregancy, and for the hard road you find yourself on. God sees you, and He loves you. This hardship will end, and it will end well- because it is part of His plan.

Stay strong, stay brave, and stay hopeful. He's got you. I promise. 

Since about 2010, Alex and I have been enjoying a yearly beach trip with my Dad & Mom, and my sister and her family. There have been times we've had to skip it based on thin finances or school conflicts, but in general, this is a trip we make a yearly prioirity. We usually go to Topsail Island in North Carolina at the end of September; off season prices allow us to get a large house, usually right on the beach. 

This is such a special season of refreshment and enjoying one another's company. I love the fact that we all get along so well! Silas loves his cousins, and I can't get enough of spending time with my parents. There are a few "main events" I look forward to each year.

Singing: One of my sister's and my favorite things to do with Daddy and Gail is sing. When we're at the beach, we often spend an hour or maybe two dusting off some of our favorites, including hymns, 60's pop and traditional folk songs. I remember one year we were in a house right on the beach and we spent a moon-lit evening watching the waves roll in and singing Blackbird, Danny Boy and Moon River. (If you recognize any of these titles, I'm giving you a mental fist bump). 

Fishing: My Daddy grew up in Florida and the ocean is in his blood. He especially loves fishing, and every year I look forward to watching him and the grandkids try and land a whopper. Though we've yet to catch anything big enough to keep, we always enjoy the thrill of reeling in the line and seeing something waiting to be examined, photographed and released. 

Crab Legs: We only eat crab legs once a year, and boy, do we make it count! Our favorite place is a little dumpy seafood buffet with moldy ceiling tiles and stained carpet. Sometimes the best places are the humblest. My personal record is 92 crab legs. (I'm not exaggerating- the waiter said he was going to have nightmares). 

Mornings: I'm not usually a morning person, but when I'm at the beach, I can't get up soon enough. I often am the first or second awake, and I love to sit on the porch and watch the sunrise over the water while I spend a little time praying and reading my Bible. My dad is usually up around the same time as me, and I've enjoyed many a happy morning visiting with him in the quiet kitchen while he cooks an unreasonable amount of bacon. 

These are precious years and the older we all get, the more I treasure them. My parents are getting along in years, and my heart aches to think about a time when I won't have them anymore. I am determined to wring out every bit of life and love. I am excited that I might get the chance to share these special people and special memories with more children through adoption. 

Edited 6/25

May 19, 2022

This week, Alex and I are celebrating 16 years of marriage. SIXTEEN! I don't feel old enough to be married thgat long, but here we are!

It's been a wild ride. In the earliest days, it felt like I'd stepped into an alternative universe - like I didn't recognize myself as a married woman. Thankfully, that wore off in a few weeks as we settled into a new normal. Here's what our "normals" looked like through the years:

The Carefree Life (2006-2009): Alex finished seminary, and started working as a youth pastor. We started this season in a cozy little apartment with hand-me-down furniture and a neurotic cat. I started working as a marketing coordinator at a power tool manufacturer. In 2007, we moved to a little house on S_____ Avenue across the street from my older sister. We got a border collie puppy, and enjoyed living as an unencumbered couple until the end of 2009, when things started to get complicated...

Chasing the Wind (2009-2012): Toward the end of 2009, I had a mild health scare. Initially Doctors were looking at giving me meds that were not advised for pregnant women. We were told to hurry up and have kids so treatment options would not be limited. And so, we officially began trying to grow our family. 

Much to our relief, the symptoms went away, and Doctors confirmed I was fine, that this was an isolated incident. And over 12 years later I've never had any similar symptoms. I am so grateful that nothing serious came of it, aside from jump-starting our attempts at becoming parents. 

However, our quest was not as simple as we'd assumed. Month after month rolled by with no success. Fertile friends all around us conceived with ease, while we faced on-going disappointment. By the time 2012 rolled around, we'd exhausted every avenue within our meager means (fertility testing, hormone suppliments, etc...) It was beginning to look like parenthood was not part of God's plan. Then, in September of 2012, Alex's dad Gene died suddenly from a heart attack. 

Parenting in Reverse (2013-2020): Gene's passing left Alex's mother Julia on her own to raise Nadia, Alex's 10 year old niece. Julia worked constantly, and Nadia's lack of structure and a stable homelife was beginning to present concerning problems as she approached the pre-teen years. After a year of praying and discussing with Julia, we all made the decision to join our families and Julia and Nadia moved in with us August of 2013. I resigned my full-time job and Alex and I began our parenting journey- not with an infant, but with an 11 year old girl. It really was like parenting in reverse, as we had to teach her how to do bedtimes, eat her vegetables and brush her teeth. She had to drink from the firehose when she moved in, and she put a brave face on it. 

No sooner had everyone gotten settled in than I found out I was pregnant at last. I've always believed that during those painful years of infertility, God was keeping a spot in our home and hearts for Nadia. Silas was born in August of 2014. 

The next several years were pretty smooth and happy. Nadia got braces, went to dances, made honor role, participated in color guard, and earned a few college credits before she graduated in 2020. Meanwhile, Silas went through all the cute little-kid stuff: teething, walking, first words, learning to color, swim and ride a bike. 

Alex and I were growing too, as couple; facing challenges as our differences were emphasized by the addition of children. Thankfully, these challenges brought us closer to one another- iron sharpening iron, as they say. I loved watching him invest in our two children, and eventually a third when DSS temporarily placed Nadia's infant sister Blossom in our home. 

In April of 2020, Nadia decided she was ready to leave the roost, and while we felt that her decision was not timely, she was 18; and we'd given her as much guidance as she would accept. Blossom transistioned back to her mom's care in November, and by 2021 (Julia moved out at the end of the year), it was just Alex, me and Silas. 

A Fresh Season (2021- ?): Since Nadia, Blossom and Julia left, we've had a lot more space in the house, and a lot more time to spend with Silas. While we've enjoyed our little break from the hustle and bustle of a full house, we're ready to share our home and family again! As we say hello to our 17th year of marriage, we hope we'll soon be saying hello to a brand new season and to a new member of the family. 

Mother's Day has a special place in my heart for three reasons. 

First, because I waited so long to become a mom myself. The heartache of infertility is sometimes excruciating. And somehow feels so personal. When you know God is the one who opens the womb, to have yours shut for no identifyable reason feels like there must be something about you- like you're not good enough to receive this blessing. And watching it come so easily for others makes it feel extra personal. But I know God had a plan. I can speak serenely about it now that after 4 years of infertility, God gave me my cherished son. But if He'd asked me to gracefully accept His loving sovreignty and life-long infertility, I don't know how well I would have coped. I'm so grateful He didn't ask me to. My heart breaks for those women who must walk that path. I hope that when these women are at last permited to see God's purpose in withholding this blessing, it will make it all worth it. 

Second, Mother's Day prompts me to pause and think about my own Mother. She passed away from cancer when I was 13, in 1996. I daydream sometimes about what I would have done or said if I'd had a more mature frame of mind during the two years she fought her battle. But I wasn't more mature. I was a self-centered, socially awkward middle schooler who enjoyed the attention of a family tragedy more than I've ever had the courage to admit. I hope that since then, I've made decisions that make her proud.

And finally, I love celebrating our wonderful step-mother, Gail. Daddy re-married in 1999. Gail was a sunny lady from Oklahoma, full of laughter and song. She was a comforting contrast to the season we'd just come through, days that were marked by strain and uncertainty. With Gail, came someone who doted on our Daddy and lovingly filled the role left by my Mom. She played a 12-string guitar like a harp, accompanying her own silvery voice, teaching us rich worship songs we'd never heard before. Her introduction to our family marked the beginning of a season that has only grown more joyful as the years have passed. As Daddy and Gail age, I look forward to making as many happy memories with them and my children as possible.

May 4 2022

This week, a journey ended; a journey that started almost exactly three years ago when DSS gave us the task of caring for our infant niece, Blossom. 

At 6 weeks, she was moved from her parents home and placed with her mom's mom. Two months later, DSS discovered that visitation rules were being broken at Grandma's, so they moved her here. What a whirlwind those first few weeks were! Silas was 4 and Nadia (Blossom's sister, whom we'd formally adopted a few months before) was 17 and still living at home. Having Blossom here required our family to learn infancy all over again. Diapers, bottles, schedules, middle of the night feedings, the whole 9 yards. What took me by surprise was the way it made my heart sing. I loved the juggling act I performed each day getting Silas and Nadia ready for school, feeding Blossom, putting her down for her first nap of the day, doing a load of laundry and tidying the home while she slept. It felt like the puzzle piece of my spirit suddenly fell into the exact right place. As simple and unglamorous as it was, it was what I was made for! 

The emotional uncertainty of the first few months was hard to navigate. Would she stay? Would she be reunited with her parents? From April through November 2019, it looked like her parents had decided to stay their course. The issues that caused her to be removed from their care were not being addressed- if anything they were worsening. "That baby isn't going anywhere," I was told. Still, my job was to care for her like a mom, but love her like an aunt until further notice. 

As she grew, it was a delight to watch her and Silas learn to play together. He was an amazing big brother. He didn't know it, but it was was a perfect puzzle fit for him too. As the baby of the family for 4 years, having Blossom around to share the attention whether he liked it or not was good for him and it began to reorient his world in a way that I could never have taught in my own. I watched his character begin to develop before my eyes as he began to focus on Blossom and understand her needs. He wanted to help. He got excited about her milestones. He loved to coo over her and she delighted in his company. Those were sweet days when they were building a bond that more closely resembled a brother and sister than cousins. 

Then in November 2019, Blossom's parents took an important step. They each voluntarily enrolled in inpatient rehab facilities. For 3 and 4 months respectively, Blossom's Dad and Mom began to learn how to do life without the crutches. They chose Blossom over their addiction. They chose to do life on life's terms. 

For the next year, they worked on staying clean and on proving to Blossom's guardian ad litem that they could be parents again. In September of 2020, Blossom's guardian agreed that it was time to start transistioning Blossom back into her mother's care. We began a process of easing her out of our home gradually. By November of 2020, a year after her parents started rehab, she had fully transitioned and it seemed just a matter of a few weeks before our duty to her was over. All that was left was a court hearing to return custody to her parents.

Then Covid. Everything ground to a hault and our court case was postponed till further notice. "Further notice" turned out to be another 2 years! During that time, Alex and I still retained legal custody of Blossom, but she was living full time with her mom and Grandmother. As always, God had a plan in this unusual circumstance. It turns out that these two years provided accountability that her parents needed. If it had not been for the extra 2 years, a time when we had every legal right to come take her away again, I don't know that their sobriety would have stood the test of time. Even as it was, their sobriety was not without its hiccups. But even those hiccups led to positive decisions. Blossom's mom got really serious again, and she began attending attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings, (which I attended as her supporter) followed by Bible Study afterward. This is a weekly pattern we maintain to this day.

Finally, on 5/4/2022, our families convened in court and in accordance with the recommendation of Blossom's guardian, custody was restored to her parents. 

As I say goodbye to this chapter of life, I am grateful for what it brought to our family. This is a perfect example of how God uses the bad things in life to make good things. Among sobriety, a stronger family, and character development, God used this experience to show Alex, Silas and myself that loving a non-biological child is a special gift. Through this experience, He prepared us for adoption. As we say goodbye to Blossom, we are excited to say Hello to a little one who can come fill our home and hearts, and come to stay.